Warm Connections Through Great Conversation Questions

I spent all weekend at graduation parties. I met new people, spent time with old friends, and lounged in backyards as we all celebrated our graduating seniors. I loved the joy of applying all I learned while researching and writing The Six Conversations book. I’m never afraid to talk to someone and form a warm connection. I’m rarely at a loss for where to go next. Whether it’s a young child or a grandparent, I’m delighted to ask good questions to start a great conversation in motion.

I discovered a new question in the emotional pathway of conversation. You’ll love it! I sat with a retired couple, and after introducing myself and asking where they lived in town, I learned they had just moved to a retirement community after living on several acres where they managed an extensive garden. What would I ask next? Since the older man mentioned his land and garden, I thought of the emotional category.

I asked, “Of all the plants you’ve ever grown on your land, what were you most proud of?

I loved watching his face go deep into thought as he smiled. I imagined he was recalling a lifetime of gardening, perhaps going back as far as boyhood. He looked up, nodded in agreement with his wife, and they both cried, “The purple asparagus!”

I had to learn more. Asparagus? How could anyone be so proud of asparagus?

The conversation now flowed. Why asparagus? What’s purple asparagus? What did you decide to do with all your asparagus? (volitional) How do you cook it? (physical) Did you give much of it away to friends? (social)

I learned so much about asparagus. I heard stories that made us all laugh about this enormous asparagus crop. Then, I shared my own life. I talked about my own pride in my plumcot and peach tree, and the wise man gave me timely advice for pruning and protecting my orchard. On and on we talked. I even talked about all God was teaching me from John 15 and my pruning tasks. I found out about their church at that point. Before the end of the evening, Ash was exchanging contact information and agreeing to see how our church might help their church on an upcoming mission trip. We parted ways as friends.

Warm connection. Rich belonging. Learning. Laughing. It all starts with a great question.

And it can be any kind of conversation. Even about asparagus.

Try asking people what they’re most proud of about something you learn about them: What part of your home decorating are you most proud of? At the end of the day, what are you usually most proud of yourself for doing? When you look back on your time in school, what are you most proud of? I love this new question!

Share the Post: