I’ve been thinking lately about how ambition governed so much of my twenties and thirties. Achievement and recognition were so important to me. I chased after prestige at every turn. Speaking and writing and teaching were tainted with the ulterior motive of needing to feel important.
When God healed those places in me that needed all that attention, I felt lost at sea. What now could motivate all the work and all the achievement? Could I still be me up there on the stage even though I no longer needed to be there? Who was this new woman and why would she do what she was doing?
Love. Just love. I pray to be a pure and clear conduit of God’s love. With myself out of the spotlight, I’m hopeful that God will teach me how to truly live a life of love. It feels profoundly different. It feels peaceful and free to love an audience and not need anything from them.