Sometimes I joke with friends at church that I literally wrote a book on how to handle jealousy, and I still battle it. As I continue to speak on Seated with Christ, I find myself applying Ephesians 2:6 in fresh ways in each new season of life. I knew it would be this way; in fact, I remember asking a friend how anyone heals from jealousy through the various stages of parenting alone. We’re tempted to compare our child’s achievements, activities, and recognitions in grade school. Then, we compare college acceptances, first jobs, marriage proposals. Then, it’s grandchildren, vacation homes, etc. etc. etc. Around every corner, you can find yourself hit with Satan’s ancient strategy: jealousy from comparison. My new favorite idea is how Eve was in Paradise, and Satan was still able to convince her she was missing out on something. Paradise! She had everything! But Eve thought she needed more.
My understanding of jealousy continues to evolve as I meet women from all over, from every stage of life. Sometimes, jealousy is rooted in fear. Sometimes, jealousy brings with it anger and suspicion. Sometimes, jealousy involves the delusion that we’re seeing everyone’s perfect life on social media. I promise you: peel back the first glossy layer, and everyone struggles. Everyone. But in all cases, jealousy feels like soul-sickness. It ruins relationships. It clouds your thinking. And it makes you feel like you’re not the person who want to be. If you consider Galatians 5 and how jealousy is an obvious fruit of the flesh, it matters that we see jealousy as a spiritual problem first of all. We can ask God to fill us with the Holy Spirit and help us keep in step with the Spirit. We can daily ask God to help us put on the new self.
But there’s also a fun and memorable strategy I’ve been learning to adopt whenever the sting of jealousy fills my heart. Once I picture my seat in the heavenly realms with Jesus, I have started using the acronym T.A.S.K. It’s working for me. Maybe it will work for you. I pray it does.
T: Thank God. Gratitude is jealousy’s best antidote. It fixes your mind on present blessings. Being thankful represents God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thess. 5:17). List out at least 5 things you love about your life. Keep doing this. List out small things, too. Don’t think about the past or the future. Think about this present moment and God’s perfect provision.
A: Ask God for what you need (Psalm 5:3). When jealousy strikes, it’s usually rooted in the fear we are missing out or that God has denied us something. What is it? What do you really want? Write it all down. God hears you. I then recommend asking God to help you understand your union with Christ. I love Dannah Gresh’s quote that “your worst day with Jesus is better than your best day without Him.” Sure, you could have the Malibu dream house. But without Jesus? It won’t meet your needs. You could have your dream relationship. But without Jesus? It won’t be all that you think. Often, if I’m jealous, I journal out exactly what I wish I had. By the end, it feels silly. But I still ask God for what I want that I think I need. He can take it. Just talking to Jesus about these things helps me realize He’s really what I’m after.
S: Surrender (Galatians 2:20). This is deep. Imagine you don’t get anything you want. Imagine this life you don’t like very much is actually God’s plan for you. What if God asked you, “Will you live the life I ask you to?” What would you say? What if your worst fears come upon you? When I said “Yes” to God to live out my crucified life, I found that jealousy lost its power. Life for me might include suffering, just like we’re promised in scripture. Will I surrender?
K: Know Him more (John 10:10). When I read God’s word to discover more and more about Jesus, I find I can use God’s word to defeat the lie of Satan that seeks to drown my heart in jealousy. The thief wants to kill your joy, steal your purpose, and destroy your faith. But God is the only path to abundant life. With Him, you have everything you need.
The T.A.S.K. method helps me apply my Christian faith to daily life. Thank Him, Ask Him, Surrender to Him, Know Him. When jealousy strikes (and it will), you know what to do. Praise God!