Today, I hear my husband explain a new way to care for folks in our community. He says that we do things “with” people and not “for” them. As a scholar obsessed with the nuances of language, I find myself baffled by how a simple change in a preposition revolutionizes how we act.
Prepositions reveal relationship. Am I doing things “with” my community or just “for” my community? For years, my husband and I followed the model of doing things “for” other people. But two years ago, we wanted to belong to our community and not stand outside of it.
We had recently heard a Navajo Indian speaking about various groups that would visit his reservation. They’d bring help or aid and quickly leave. Yet what the Navajo truly wanted, more than anything else, was to be known, understood, and valued. They wanted the organizations to be “with them” and not just come do things “for them.”
In our community, I have learned (finally) to be with people. The walk-to-school campaigns, the Monday Night Fitness Groups, and the Saturday Pancakes are all about being with my community. We mutually encourage, mutually support, mutually serve.
In my parenting, I have learned (finally) to do things with my children and not just for them. I’m learning to say, “I would like to do this with you and not just for you.” That philosophy seems to honor their dignity and mine as well.
It’s the same with teaching. It’s the same with blogging. There’s a “withness” about this work that transforms it. We are with each other.
My husband reminds me that the incarnation is God “with us.” Immanuel–God with us–represents a prepositional phrase that’s changed my life.
Living with flair means I learn the meaning of with.
Journal: How can I change my “for you” to “with you?”