But Only So Much

When I’m tired and out of sorts, I truly allow my mind to create a stale version of reality in which God is loving but only so much. 

In other words, I dilute His unfailing love that satisfies us (Psalm 90:14) into just one of many therapeutic practices to make me feel better. I scramble to find well-being wherever I can–from every source imaginable–and add God into this mix. 

I neither inquire of Him or listen to Him as the authority in these matters. 

No, I scramble and greedily gather anything into myself that might bring happiness. 

But this morning, new questions: 

How far does God’s unlimited love and power extend concerning me? How extensive, how complete is Jesus’ keeping of my soul? Do I know Him as my only hope? Am I willing to cast everything about my well-being into His hands because He “delights in the well-being of his servants?” (Psalm 35:27)

I cease the scrambling and wait upon the Lord to direct me into His paths of peace. He will lead. He will govern everything concerning me. Inner turmoil is first a call to prayer and following Spirit-led paths to peace and joy. 

Instead of crafting a God who is loving and involved–but only so much–I return to the Biblical God “who formed the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.” (Psalm 33:15). I think of Jesus’s offer for the weary to come to Him to find rest. I think of asking God for what I need first. 

And then I wait on the wisdom that comes from heaven. I go back to the wisdom of an elder who said, “Be led, not driven.” Even in matters of emotional and physical health, I want to be led, not driven. 

I remember this truth: My own efforts apart from God fail; they temporarily help, but only so much. 

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